Grace, Truth and Love

I watched an interesting video by Dr. John Townsend on love and truth. Here it is. Pardon the flaming heart with a halo and the cheesy music.

While Dr. Townsend talks about sexual brokenness, I think that brokenness in general applies here.

It's that feeling that who you are isn't worthy of love or acceptance from others due to some aspect of your personality or issue from your past. What really got me about this video was how he talked about how love and truth go hand in hand, but for the broken person, that person either loves without truth and has people but is inauthentic, or is authentic but alone because of their issues that invalidate them from relationship. Either way, they are alone.

He said that the answer to this is for the broken person to open up in an environment where they will be accepted and loved. That the safe place is where the healing process can happen for the person who is afraid of being alone. Because when you are who you are, when you put yourself out there, you give people the chance to reject you. For me, that thought is terrifying.

This week I am learning about what it means to be real and to do so when it is safe. Rather, I've had to take personal inventory of the relationships in my life and evaluate how much of my "self" I can entrust to them. It's been quite enlightening. When I listed all the people who I can actually be real with, I couldn't even fill one hand. It made me treasure those relationships.

From another angle, as a Christian, I love how he mentions that people are the stewards of God's grace. This means that we as people are agents of His mercy and compassion. That we are to provide that shoulder to cry on, that listening ear to the world-weary. That sometimes, the healing process isn't telling people what to do, but simply embracing them as they are.

I know we are frequently portrayed as hateful and judgmental by the media, but that really isn't who we are. Yes, the God we serve is just, and good, and perfect. But He is also not so distant and proud that he cannot or will not handle the weight of who we are, faults and personal brokenness and all. He cries with us. He suffers with us. And He feels our pain and understands it all.

There's Bible verse that says, "Confess your sins to one another that you may be healed." Yet for many Christians church can be one of the loneliest places, where people cannot be real about who they are for fear of condemnation. Performance has frequently replaced authenticity as we have great music and great preaching, yet we may know nothing nor have any connection with people sitting in the seats around us. As Christians, as the church, as the Body of Christ, we are to be a healing community and a safe harbor for those battered by the seas of life. And we are to be known for our love for one another.

Family Discussion Questions for Wednesday

Today has me thinking about family.

Not necessarily the people who are biologically related to me, but the rather the individuals whom I have chosen to call my own and whom I know would do the same for me, and all that such a relationship comes with..

Regardless of how much we annoy and frustrate each other, it's that simple thought that keeps me patient. And then when I think of how kind they are to me when I am at my worst, I am grateful.

Now to answer some church small group discussion questions from this Sunday's sermon.

Ice Breaker: What was your favorite TV show growing up?

Good Eats. I really enjoyed how Alton Brown would apply and explain scientific principles in a creative manner to make some delicious food. Plus it was one of the shows that my mother and I enjoyed watching together.

1. "It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong" (Proverbs 24:3). Having a strong, secure foundation is the first step to having a great family. What does this mean in your life?

God first. While it is always good to have a good network of relationships and a stable source of income, etc. all these things can still be lost or be damaged due to any number of variables (wars, famine, disaster, etc). With a desire to honor God as the primary focus in the familial relationship, I believe that a family will be able to resolve conflict, find direction, and higher purpose in spite of the fallen world we live in.

2. All families face changes, failures and rejections. Is there anything your family has gone through that you care to share with the group? How did you get through it?

There was a point in my life where when I left home that some roles and interactions had to be redefined. Going through this process was a challenge for all the parties involved, but we got there eventually. Growing up is tough for both kids and parents.

3. Colossians 3:13 says, "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you." Do you have troubles forgiving others, especially family members?

Depends on who and for what.

4. What kinds of things does your family do to spend meaningful time together?

Well, we did watch tv and play video games back in the day. Now I just have earth-shattering philosophical phone conversations with my mom every once in a blue moon. And then there are those trips during Christmastime.

Thoughts on Intimacy

Intimacy. No, I'm not talking about sex, though that's a common association of the word. I'm talking more like the close personal connection between people. Like when you can speak freely and relax around someone because you know you can entrust yourself to them, and they to you. It's the feeling that you really aren't alone in the world when you're with someone. Someone to laugh with, speak to, listen to you, share life with... Intimacy is nice...

From a spiritual perspective, I believe that every person longs to be known, to have that connection with others, but all the stresses, hurts, pressures, insecurities, and mechanisms we build up to protect ourselves also in turn keep us from connecting with others. And in a way some of these things are good, considering that it would be unwise to entrust oneself to someone who cannot handle it.

I find it amusing that God would put us on this earth and design us for relationship with Him and each other, knowing full well that our imperfections can and will eventually cause friction between us. I recall the scriptures that ask us to be patient to one another and to bear with one another in love. Now that's a tall order, especially when I think about who and what I have to deal with on a regular basis: officiating events at comic book shops with teenagers, children and manchildren fighting for my undivided attention, trying to be nice to customers on the phone, dealing with family members, people, among many other things...

Relationships have a price. Someone I look up to says this, and I paraphrase, "Everyone comes with their own [nonsense]. You just have to decide what [nonsense] you're willing to deal with." Of course he used another more colorful word than "nonsense."

When I think of this, I wonder how much weight I carry and I am filled with gratitude for the people in my life who have carried me, even in moments when I have been heavier than others. Such was the case yesterday when after the weight of my day, it was nice to just pick up the phone and talk to close friends. When I was done, I felt rejuvenated and restored.

I also think of the moments when I was able to lend a helping hand to a friend going through a hard time, or when I was able to be the listening ear or the positive company. Some days I also don't feel like listening to people's problems, but I do it anyway because I care about them. But some days, I can't handle people and cannot be the friend that they need. And some days, I'd rather not talk to anyone.

Of course, as we have human limitations, I also recognize that there are some issues in life that no amount of human contact can handle. Also, some days, I have found that there really is no one to carry my weight when I am weak. But in those moments, I am reminded of the goodness of the God that I believe in.

For He says that we can cast our burdens upon Him because He cares for us. That even when no one wants to listen to my [nonsense], I can still approach God with confidence and throw myself at Him like a child jumps into his father's arms, knowing full well that he will catch me.

He is able to carry the full weight of who we are: every worry that tries to drag us down, every sin and every regret... He is our friend who sticks closer than a brother. That the God of the universe would call us, His creations, friends is a fascinating concept that I would love to meditate on more.

Summary of thoughts:
1. We are made for intimacy with God and others.
2. We are to bear with one another in love.
3. We can trust God to care for us.

Welcome Back

In my freshman year of college, I discovered a wonderful thing called a blog. It was a medium through which I was able to write my thoughts and musings down and share them with others.

I delighted in publishing my thoughts, struggles and lessons with hopes that someone might learn from my mistakes, achievements, etc. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of depending on it as a true source of connection to the world. It was fun and a great way to practice my writing, until the topics started to get a bit out of hand, got bitten by the internet and turned into a hotbed of political and religious debate rather than a way to share.

However, I do remember that writing was actually really good for me at some point and so I am starting a new one here. It is my hope that what I write on this blog will be a blessing to others and that the things I share may help people on their journey.

With that said, welcome to back The Lesson of Life as told by 53v.