Rediscovering Wonder

Wonder. It's what children experience on a regular basis as they take in the new world around them. They view the world with a curiosity and amazement that becomes lost when they become adults.

Today I tried out a new church. It was in a beautiful building both inside and out. And on the inside it was filled with the elderly. The service was a lot more on the liturgical side than I regularly experience, but the feeling of unified devotion filled me with wonder. Having come from a religious background that values personal expression and individuality over the corporate, sitting in a liturgical service was very refreshing.

Now I am in no way against, clapping, shouting and dancing in church, as these are all fitting expressions of worship, but I must confess that in the spectacle, I forgot what it was to simply reflect on the Father in quiet devotion. There was a sacredness and an order to the way things were carried out, and a certain beauty to it that I haven't experienced in some time.

Today was also the first time in almost 8 years that I prayed the Lord's prayer in a religous service. We also sang old sacred music, and it was beautiful. It was all so beautiful. It was a beauty that drove me to tears. Why I wept, I don't completely understand. Perhaps I had forgotten what beauty was in church, in an effort to make everything practical and intellectual. I'm not against these things, but in the reasoning and criticism, I lost sight of the beauty that is the bride of Christ, the church body.

I remember my days as a young Christian long ago, when everything was so new to me. When I first discovered Christ, it was like seeing the world in a new way. I didn't read my Bible - I devoured it. All the words and teachings of Jesus, the apostles, the prophets came alive to me. But the deeper I got into religious insititutions the more I lost my sense of wonder in my faith, getting caught up in the political, intellectual, and practical. I lost my joy. I lost my hope. And I didn't even notice it disappeared.

While I know that life can be tough and emotions can change, my prayer is that I may not lose sight of the beauty and the mystery that is Christ in his incarnation and resurrection.

reconnect

People are messy and difficult and beautiful and wonderful.

The fear of the pain involved with the risks of connection makes me shrink back.

The hope of the joy involved in making a connection makes me take those risks.

I've discovered that in the end, I can't be cynical about people forever and I don't want to. I'm not perfect either and I shouldn't expect others to be. I am drawn to relationship. I am drawn to others. Why? Because that's part of what makes me human. That's how I was created.

I am learning to accept that.

It's weird because even when I feel the urge to despair over loneliness, even the faintest connection gives me a glimmer of hope. And the more I connect, the more I realize how human I actually am.

I wonder if God is ever lovesick over humanity. I get the image the He probably is.

I miss Him. I wonder if He misses me too.